Sweet Memories, Smart and Silly

January 3, 1996: This morning when I was helping Sarah get dressed, I said she was four years old now. She said, "No, I'm not!" "Yes, you are," I assured her. "No, I'm not!" she insisted. "I haven't had cake yet!"

After breakfast we were brushing teeth, and Rebecca told me, "Mommy, I brushed my lungs." "That's great," I said. "I really did," she said, then finished, "Oh, I mean my gums."

January 9, 1996: On Sarah's birthday, Caleb asked, "Where is the three year old?" I said I didn't know, and he said, "The four year old chased her away."   

Caleb has learned up to letter O in braille. The other night at supper, he said excitedly, "Mommy, next week, Mrs. Davis is going to teach us P!"

This morning Rebecca was trying to find some jewelry to wear. She found an old bracelet that was mine when I was a kid. She reminded me that once before it hadn't fit her yet, it was too big, but she said she wanted to try again. She said, "I have faith in Jesus that it will work."

January 10, 1996: Today Rebecca finished her first long book, Bambi, which has 95 pages. She read from page 51 to 95 just today.

January 21, 1996: Rebecca and I were reading a story book today with the story of Jesus' birth in it. When I read the part about the angels coming to the shepherds, Rebecca looked at the picture and said, "There's one angel standing right by them, and then millions flying in the sky, or maybe twenty or ten."

January 22, 1996: Rebecca has been reading Dr. Seuss books to the other kids, sometimes 6 or 8 or 10 repetitions a day, and they are starting to talk like the books. Murray told Sarah to get onto her stool, and she said, "I do not like it, not one bit." (From the Cat in the Hat)

January 24, 1996: Murray was looking at Sarah's eyes tonight, gauging how well they were tracking together. He asked her to follow his finger with her gaze, up and down and right and left. She giggled, remembering how her Ophthalmologist did this, and asked,"Are you pretending your finger is a flashlight?"

January 25, 1996: Sarah has learn very well at school how to stick her tongue out to make a TH sound. She does it so well that when she prays, she always thanks God for "etherything."

January 27, 1996: This morning we were looking for Sarah's missing sock in her bed, and Rebecca said, sounding pleased with herself, "When my socks get dirty, I put them up in my bed." "No you don't,"I said in disbelief. "Yes, I do. There's two pair up there." And there were.

January 28, 1996: This morning Rebecca was making up a story while she turned the pages of a catalog: A duck was talking to a driver, saying he, the duck, wanted all the different things pictured, such as chairs, babies, covers, etc. The duck said, "I want that ring."The driver replied, "No, you won't have any fun with a ring, because you don't have any fingers."

On the way home from church, the kids were trying to explain to Sarah which was her middle finger. Finally she said, "This is a great thing! I have three middle fingers!"

Murray just asked Sarah to put the trash can lid back on the can. After she did she asked if she had done it like we would. We assured her that she'd done it perfectly. She said, "Give myself a hand!"

(These next two from Murray)

January 29, 1996: Sarah brought home her class group picture today. We were looking at it and asking her who people were. I asked her who someone was, and she said, "Mrs. R., holding Sarah so she doesn't wiggle."

January 30, 1996: When Kathy was helping Sarah tonight, she asked,"Mommy, do elephants laugh?"

February 2, 1996: Last night we were trying to think what Caleb could take for show and tell today that started with an R. Finally Caleb said excitedly, "I want to take Rebecca!" He really wanted to; I had a hard time convincing him that the bus people wouldn't want her to ride with him. Murray brought him a rutabaga from the store to take.

February 3, 1996: The other day Rebecca went with Murray somewhere in the white car. Murray took a lot of trash out from where the front seat passenger's feet would go. She asked, "Why are you taking that trash out? So we can put more trash in?"

February 6, 1996: We were talking yesterday about all the things that there will not be in Heaven, like no sickness, no crying, no dying, etc. Caleb said, "No falling down." That was right, I said, we wouldn't do anything like that. Rebecca said we would just be"standing on holy ground."

Murray got a tape from the library last night that had Jimmy Stewart reading some of his poetry on it. He played it in the car and Sarah said, "Sometimes he sounds like he has his finger in his mouth."

Psalm 119 Daleth

Such wonderful promises in these verses. When we are low, filled with sorrow, if we turn to God and ask him to help us learn his ways, he will preserve our lives, strengthen us, keep us from shame. Thank you, Father.

Daleth

I am laid low in the dust;

    preserve my life according to your word.

I gave an account of my ways and you answered me;

    teach me your decrees.

Cause me to understand the way of your precepts,

    that I may meditate on your wonderful deeds.

My soul is weary with sorrow;

    strengthen me according to your word.

Keep me from deceitful ways;

    be gracious to me and teach me your law.

I have chosen the way of faithfulness;

    I have set my heart on your laws.

I hold fast to your statutes, Lord;

    do not let me be put to shame.

I run in the path of your commands,

    for you have broadened my understanding.

Shopping With Rebecca

This article is scheduled to be published in the Spring 2018 issue of DIALOGUE Magazine under the title "My Very Personal Shopper."

I’ve never enjoyed shopping.

In college and before I was married, I would go clothes shopping with friends, and I hated it. Not that they weren’t helpful to me, they were. But while they were looking for what they needed for themselves—and remember for people who enjoy shopping, that might take a long time—I would stand waiting and bored. Since I’m blind, I couldn’t look around at items in the store, examining, making finds I liked or didn’t like. So I just stood waiting, bored.

I did go grocery shopping with friends and roommates sometimes, but most of the time I lived alone, I made grocery lists, and let someone else shop for me.

When I was a stay-at-home mom, I always made lists, and my husband Murray went shopping for us. Sometimes, when the kids went with him, and begged for items they saw in the aisles, Murray would check the list and say, “Nope, sorry. Mom didn’t put it on the list.”

When I was a teacher, Murray bought all my work clothes for me. I trusted him. He wanted me to look nice, professional, to feel confident about what I wore.

I’ve never enjoyed shopping. Until my daughter Rebecca was old enough to drive and take me with her.

Rebecca lives in another state now, and we only see her a few times a year. But one of the biggest things I look forward to at Christmas time is shopping with Rebecca.

She is patient and takes the time to look for just what I need. I have grown to trust her as much as Murray in buying clothes. She has learned what I like and want when buying yarn for my crocheting and knitting projects.

She helps me buy birthday and anniversary gifts for Murray and the other kids. She’ll stand with me and look carefully through movies and books and music and clothes, helping me to find things that they would like. She takes the time to describe colors, pictures and styles to me, to read titles and blurbs about books and movies, never trying to rush me.

She knows the kind of jewelry and clothes that Sarah would like. If I want to buy cologne or body spray for one of the guys, she says, “Be sure to tell him not to use too much.”

I make a list for when we go shopping, and I always add, “Stuff for Rebecca.” I usually tell her that I’ll pay for a few things for her, and she’ll say sweetly, “Aww, really? Thank you.”

While we shop for me, she sometimes shows me negligees or scanty underwear she knows this middle-age mama would never wear. “This would be good for you, don’t you think?” She shows me huge stuffed animals which cost more than I’d ever pay. “Aww, you’d love this.”

She finds something fun or pretty that she knows I’d like and tells me, “Okay, but it costs thirty-five dollars.” “Oh,” I sigh. “Just kidding.” I can hear the smile in her voice. “It’s only seven.”

We always make it an outing for just the two of us, since we have to buy gifts for the rest of the family. We usually have lunch together, and I’ll ask, “So, tell me about what’s going on in your life.” Rebecca is agreeable. “Okay.” She gives me a detailed account about work and other things she’s involved with in her church and community.

Rebecca knows this is a service she does for me, but sometimes, when we’re visiting her during the year, she’ll ask with enthusiasm, “Do we need to make a shopping trip while you’re here?”

Rebecca has made shopping fun for me, and I will always look forward to it at Christmas or whenever she’s visiting.

Sweet Memories, So Many Wonderful Thoughts and Questions

October 19, 1995: At lunch Rebecca pointed out, "There's two 'I need to go to the bathrooms.' One is when you say, 'Rebecca, you need to go to the bathroom.' The other is when I say, 'I need to go to the bathroom.'" I said that was true. She said, "Are they both spelled the same way?"

The other day the kids were telling me about a turtle or a fish or something at a neighbor's house, that they can ride. They said there was water in it. I asked if they got wet, and they said, no, that the water was INSIDE the thing. Rebecca explained, "It's like when you hold us, but there's food in your tummy."

October 20, 1995: The girls wore their sweaters outside to play this morning, and I told them not to get their pretty sweaters dirty. When they came in, I asked if they'd gotten them dirty. They said no, then Rebecca said seriously, "I did get mine dirty, though." I asked how, and she replied, "I laid down in the mud."

Sarah recently moved from the afternoon to the morning class at school, but still has the same teacher and aid in the same room. She told Murray several days after she'd switched that there were new kids in her class. (I’m guessing all of them were new.)

October 24, 1995: When we went to Missouri in August, and right around the time we were getting to Missouri, Rebecca said, "This must be Missouri, because there's lots of trees." (We lived in Wichita then. Maybe that says something about how many trees there were in Kansas.)

November 1, 1995: Yesterday Rebecca finished reading Snow White; it took her a couple weeks at a page or two a day. I told her how proud I was of her, because she had just read her first whole book. She wanted to read the title page and the back cover, too, so she would have read the whole book.

Yesterday Sarah fell down one flight of our stairs. She hardly even cried, but when I asked her how she fell, she whimpered, "The steps made me fall."

November 2, 1995: It's snow flurrying today for the first time this year, and the kids are excited. Rebecca told me that they could see some snow falling on the deck. We have some pumpkins on the deck, and she said, "Mom, I promise; I'm not lying. There's snow on the pumpkins!"

November 6, 1995: Last night Caleb told me, "I'm looking for something I've never seen." I asked what it was, and he said, "And I don't know what it is."   

This morning I was talking with the kids about how Jesus is going to come back someday and take people to Heaven. I said it might be today, or it might be in hundreds of years, but we don't know. Rebecca got really sad and said she didn't want it to be today. She said she wanted to get big first. She said, "I want to get kids."

November 11, 1995: Last night we visited some friends who live in a mobile home court. Rebecca said, "These houses look like campers."

November 15, 1995: We had some animals from a petting zoo in our car the other night to take to church, and one was a turkey. Sarah described him as "The one with the big tail that looks like a dinosaur." No wonder she was scared of it.

The kids were fighting in the car the other night. Sarah prayed, "Dear Lord, please help Caleb not to touch me when I don't want him to." I turned my head away because I was laughing, but Rebecca asked me, "Are you going to tell Daddy what she said?"

November 21, 1995: It was 28 degrees outside today, so the kids wanted to open the door and see what it felt like. We could smell smoke from someone's fireplace, so Sarah said, "It smells like ham out there."

December 19, 1995: I was lying with the girls this morning when Rebecca said, "You know when you close your eyes, and there's a pretend TV in there that shows a bunch of pictures for kids? I just closed my eyes and saw Baby Jesus."

Later the girls were watching the news on TV, and there was a story about a politician's campaign commercial, mentioning juvenile crime. When she saw the guns, Rebecca said, "Turn that off, Sarah. Those are bad guys."

Sarah was talking to me a little bit ago, and she said, "Mommy, you couldn't hear me talking a little bit, because I had my hands on my ears."

December 22, 1995: The other day we were talking about whether animals go to Heaven. Rebecca said, "I think they'll go to Heaven because Abel gave God a gift of sheep, so that makes sense."

Also the other day we were talking about how the people who killed Jesus were bad. Then Rebecca said that it was a good thing they did it though, because they had to. I said that was right, that Jesus had to die for our sins. She said, "Yes, or we couldn't go to Heaven."

December 31, 1995: Last night Caleb asked for a special new sandwich for dinner--peanut butter, cheese, and pickles. We said he could have it if he promised to eat it all. He did eat it all, but he said he didn't have to have it anymore.

Tonight Sarah asked, "Why did Jesus give us left and right?"

The Proposal

This is from one of my writing practices this week. I’m working on becoming more comfortable with third person.

THE PROPOSAL

 “John, will you marry me?”

John laid down his book, then looked at Sheila, kneeling on the floor in front of him. “What?”

Sheila raised her chin. “Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“Well, yeah, I think I did. But … what?”

“I asked if you’d marry me.”

John leaned back against the couch and rubbed his arm against his face. “Doesn’t the guy usually ask?”

Sheila sat back on her ankles and crossed her hands on her lap. “Three of my friends have been whining to me lately that they’re afraid their boyfriends are never going to ask them. They’re so frustrated. I decided not to let myself get that way. I love you. I want to marry you. What am I waiting for?”

John’s lips twitched. He reached for Sheila’s hands. “Come on. Sit up here beside me.”

“Nope.” She shook her head. “Not until I get an answer.”

She returned to her knees, grasped John’s hand in both of hers, and gazed up at him. “John Steven Rollings, I love you with all my heart. Will you do me the honor of becoming my husband?”

He moved to the floor beside her and wrapped her in his arms. “Nothing would make me happier.” He kissed her. “Do you have a ring for me?”

Sheila rested her head against his shoulder and sniffed. “Of course not. What do you think I am? I’m a girl of traditions. I want a ring. Can we go shopping for one today?”

Grace and Truth, John 5:31-47

Jesus’s priority was to save us, to give us life. To prove his credentials, he boldly listed supporters of who he is:

John the Baptist

Moses

God, the Father

Scriptures

The mighty works which he performed, which his father sent him to do.

Verses 31-34,36-37: “If I testify about myself, my testimony is not true. There is another who testifies in my favor, and I know that his testimony about me is true.

“You have sent to John and he has testified to the truth. Not that I accept human testimony; but I mention it that you may be saved.

“I have testimony weightier than that of John. For the works that the Father has given me to finish—the very works that I am doing—testify that the Father has sent me. And the Father who sent me has himself testified concerning me.

Our Spring Trip West

I love this trip we make twice a year, to visit our daughter Rebecca in Iowa and my mom and brothers in Missouri. I’ll share some highlights.

When we got to Rebecca’s apartment Friday night and Ping-Hwei opened the front door—Rebecca left it unlocked for us—Ping-Hwei yelled, “Watch the cat.” That’s what we have to do every time we go through our front door at home, to keep our Eli in. Rebecca’s Milly is not so much trouble.

Milly does not enjoy our visit, however. Rebecca said Milly does not like her routine to be upset.

I asked Rebecca to let me hold Millie anyway, a solid, twelve-pound girl. Milly gave her loud, raspy meow (Murray said you can tell she was a smoker) and tried to get away. So I didn’t ask to hold her again, but snuck a pat whenever I got the chance.

I heard her purr for the first time when we were leaving Monday morning. Somehow she knew.

On Saturday for breakfast Ping-Hwei made scrambled eggs, and we had biscuits with one of Rebecca’s favorite jellies, raspberry-jalapeno. It always surprises me how much I like that.

Rebecca took us to the animal shelter where she volunteers and let me play with some cute puppies and friendly cats. She introduced me to her new cat friend, a sweet guy, Winslow. He had the best purr. Rebecca said she’d like to adopt him, but she can’t have another cat in her apartment. I told her if she got a house, she could have a dog, and any cat she wanted. She said, “Not right now.”

So many reasons I have to be proud of Rebecca, and I learned a new one this trip. Murray took a button-down shirt to wear to church Sunday, but it got wrinkled on the trip. He asked Rebecca if she had an iron and she didn’t. Yes! That’s my girl.

At Rebecca’s church on Easter Sunday, April 1, the bulletin held the important message: “Empty tomb; no fooling.”

The church held a celebration—excited music, lights, smoke, and a machine which shot confetti out into the seats. Jesus is alive.

My brother Jim built a house on Mom’s farm and stops by to visit every evening. One night we were talking with him about what he feeds his cows, including a syrupy food supplement which brings a smile to Mom’s voice when she sees the young calves licking at its fountain.

Jim said he sometimes feeds the cows from Mom’s barn, hay bales which she and Dad made thirty years ago. They’re still good and the cows still eat them. This is amazing to me.

Mom’s quilting group meets on Tuesday mornings, in the one room schoolhouse where Mom attended till she was in the eighth grade. We went with her this week.

There were some school pictures, more than sixty-five years old, and Mom asked Murray if he could tell which one was her. He found it at last and said, “I know that frown on your face. You weren’t happy to be at school that day.”

We had lunch with my brother Rodney, and I ordered salad while everybody else got hot dogs or pizza. My food arrived after everybody else’s, so I was still eating when they were all finished.

“Take your time, Kathy,” Rodney told me. “The last person done has to pay.”

I got disoriented and ran a couple times into Mom’s dish cabinet, an antique she calls a pie safe. It’s stood in the exact same spot in the kitchen my entire life.

Mom told me to be careful, not to break it. She said it’s an heirloom; it belonged to her grandmother, and my mom will be 81 next month.

One of the things I most look forward to is sitting for hours with my mom, chatting. We talked about books we’re reading, my kids, Mom’s neighbors, some of whose names are familiar from when I was a kid, about relatives, and Mom’s church.

Mom talked about a service people did from her community last spring. There were wild fires in Kansas, Oklahoma, and Texas, where farmers lost cattle, fences, feed.

Local businesses and individuals donated money and supplies, fence posts, hay, cattle feeders which high school students built. Three truck convoys from Mom’s community carried these supplies to Kansas.

Mom read stories to me she saved from the paper, about farmers helping farmers. She told me even though it’s been a year since then, it still brings tears to her eyes. She said, “There are still good people in the world.”