The Lady and the Mountain Doctor

I recently read two novels which beautifully handle God’s love in the midst of a child’s death.

The first was DANGER IN THE SHADOWS by Dee Henderson. This is the prequel to the O’MALLEY series, which I love.

The second is a book by one of my critique partners. It’s a story set in a mining town in Montana in the 1870s. It is a lovely romance, and handles in an excellent way a brother’s guilt over his sister’s death when he was a young boy. I highly recommend this book, which can be seen here.

Jesus Got Down in the Dirt

Jesus got down in the dirt to help those who needed him.

He brought value to the sinful woman who wiped his feet with her hair. “‘Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.’ Then Jesus said to her, ‘Your sins are forgiven.’” Luke 7:47-48

He asked that the stone be rolled away from Lazarus’ stinking tomb. John 11

He gave peace to the thief who died beside him. Luke 23:39-43

Jesus touched the leper. “A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, ‘Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.’ Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. ‘I am willing,’ he said. ‘Be clean!’ Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy.” Matthew 8:2-3

He met the widow in the middle of her son’s funeral and gave her back her child. And hope to survive. Luke 7:11-17

He rubbed clay in the eyes of the blind man. “After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes. ‘Go,’ he told him, ‘wash in the Pool of Siloam’ (this word means ‘Sent’). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.” John 9:6-7

He met the woman at the well, rejected and unclean, and gave her a new mission. John 4

He welcomed the grimy, squalling children. “And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.” Mark 10:16

Jesus’ closest followers were some who most needed help out of the dirt.

He pulled Peter out of the water as he began to sink with fear. Matthew 14:27-31

Then Jesus lifted Peter out of the mire he wallowed in after denying his Lord. John 21:15-17

Jesus found James and John, angry and impulsive young men, and added them to his closest friends. Mark 3:16-17; Luke 9:49-55

He found Matthew and Zacchaeus, hated by their community, and asked them into his family. Matthew 9:9; Luke 19:1-10

Jesus got down in the dirt. He met people right where they were, loved them, and didn’t leave them in the dirt.

He claimed as his daughter the woman who had suffered for twelve years from bleeding and shame. He held the hand of the little girl who died, and gave her back to her parents, alive. Mark 5:21-43

He knelt in the dirt and waited with the woman caught in adultery, until all her accusers left. The only one there who had never sinned, Jesus, was left with the wretched woman, and he did not condemn her. John 8

He met the father whose son could not be healed, the man who scratched to find faith, and rewarded him with all that he could hope for. Mark 9:14-27

For the man filled with demons, fighting with such fierceness that he broke his chains, Jesus gave him clothes. And Sanity. Mark 5:1-20

There is nowhere, no depth of sin and waste, where Jesus will not meet us. When we are damaged, hurting, faltering, Jesus does not push us away. He holds our hand and helps us up. “He will not quarrel or cry out; no one will hear his voice in the streets. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he has brought justice through to victory. In his name the nations will put their hope.” Matthew 12:17-21

New Goals and Baby Steps

My Cousin recently had a stroke. As she recovered and is working through rehab, she is diligent about keeping up with her therapy and on staying involved with as many of her old activities as she can. My mother tells me my cousin says, “Baby steps.”

What a point of view.

It’s so easy to want to move fast, to do big things, to accomplish much. But sometimes, more can be accomplished with slow, steady, careful “baby” steps.

I am finding this a lesson which I need to learn again. All my life, I’ve been busy, active, on the move. Almost three years ago, I had a brain injury which caused me to have to quit work—and slow down. I’m having to learn new ways to keep myself busy and useful. This is a humbling experience.

I can remember long days of playing with my children, cooking, laundry, cleaning the house, trying to be an interesting companion to my husband. When I worked outside the home, I put in long hours, often getting up at four-fifteen in the morning so I could be at work by six. I wanted to complete my assigned work and make sure it was done in good quality. I liked when people told me they found me someone they could depend on, and I enjoyed interacting with coworkers and helping students.

Now I find myself unable to physically and mentally perform many of the tasks I used to do. I can no longer work so many hours in a day, and I need to take breaks to rest. Because of this, I have struggled with laziness and depression.

How I thank God that he doesn’t believe an old dog can’t learn new tricks. I am thankful that he stays beside me, whispering in my ear, teaching me that there are still new and beautiful turns my life can take.

I have to laugh at myself. As a person with a visual impairment, I’ve always been resentful when I felt other people didn’t think me capable or competent. Since my accident, it seems I’ve focused on all the new disabilities I have, all the things I can no longer do. Instead, I need to realize that it’s okay for me to have new goals.

My husband still needs my companionship, and we are enjoying spending more time together. My children are grown now and don’t need me to play with them anymore. Yet, since I’m no longer working, I’m able to spend much more time with them. I’m enjoying getting to know them as adults and praying for the wisdom to meet the needs they still have for me.

Slowly, I am accepting the activities and tasks which I am still able to perform. I can encourage friends and family with phone calls, emails, gifts, and prayers. I am encouraging myself to keep up with the simple, necessary tasks that I can still do around the house.

I’m finding it healthy to make a new routine for myself. I’m trying to schedule housework, writing, and/or work on my Braille proofreading class into each day. Maybe I’ll cook a meal each week. Even if it’s in small amounts of time, small amounts of work that I accomplish, I want to teach myself that’s acceptable and useful. Baby steps.

I Want To Be Like Jesus

We had a guest speaker at our church recently who said some things about evangelism that struck home to me in a new way.

I’ve always heard that as Christians, we should be like Jesus. Well, who can argue with that? We should be like Jesus, more holy, more righteous. Certainly, that’s true. We should try to live more the way God teaches us in his word.

But on this day, we studied a different way that we should be like Jesus. The speaker used Luke chapter 15 to talk about God’s love and grace. She said this probably has one of the nicest things ever said about Jesus, even though that’s not how it was intended.

Luke 15:1-2: “Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”

I thank God that Jesus welcomes sinners and eats with them. Including me.

Our guest speaker talked about how people who were lost, people who were the worst sinners, were the ones who loved to be around Jesus. They saw in him the love and concern they needed.

Often I have not found myself the kind of person who draws people to Jesus. I may be too preachy, or as one girl said about me in college, “Kathy is really righteous, isn’t she?”

She did not mean it as a compliment. I was self righteous. I was judgmental. Of course, there are truths in the Bible which we need to stick to and teach to people as they grow as Christians. But it is not our job to teach the lost to obey morals as we see them. It is our job to teach people that Jesus loves them and wants to heal their brokenness.

In the later part of Luke 15, we read the story of the lost son and his older brother who needed a changed heart. At different times in my life, I’ve seen myself as very like both of these brothers.

The younger son took his inheritance and left home to spend it on sinful living. When he had lost all his money and had no one and nothing, he decided to humble himself and go back to serve his father.

But the father was watching for him. While the son was still a long way off, the father saw him and ran to him, embracing him and welcoming him back as his son.

Luke 15:20-24: “So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.”

This is how I want to show God’s love to people. I want to hurt as they hurt, care about what is on their minds, show them a father who wants them as his children.

I’ve often seen myself as like the older brother in this story. Here they were celebrating with the one who’d turned his back on his father and wasted his inheritance. The older brother said that he’d stayed home and served the father, but his father had never let him have a party. But the father lovingly explained to the older brother how their family really worked.

Luke 15:25,28-32 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. … The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’ ‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

Yes, the father celebrated because the lost brother had come home. But he explained to the older brother that he was just as important. Everything that belonged to the father belonged to him.

I want to be like Jesus. I want to be someone who shows God’s love, his grace, his compassion for anyone who hurts—so much that he watches for them while they are far away. I want to be part of the party when they come home.

The Old Country Church

We spent this Easter weekend with my mother on the farm in Missouri. Sunday morning we went to the country church where I grew up, for Easter service and breakfast cooked by the men.

Along a gravel road in central Missouri, miles from any town, is the Oklahoma Church of Christ, established in the late 1800’s. The current building, constructed of local rock, was built in the early 1900s.

They don’t use a sound system and band, or a computer with videos and songs and Scripture flashed up on a screen at the front of the sanctuary. Just a piano player, the ministers standing behind a pulpit, well-loved hymns in well-used hymnals, and the Bible.

Very different from my modern city church, but the message we heard, the hope we shared, was exactly the same.

Luke 23:32-43; Matthew 28:1-10; John 20:1-17.

Jesus died so that we can be forgiven. He rose again on the third day as a promise to his followers that we can live forever with God in Heaven.

His burial cloths were folded and set aside, unneeded. Just as he had the power to promise the thief on the cross that he would be with him in paradise that day, Jesus is alive today and has the power to help us with everything we need, our Lord and brother and friend.

Jesus told the women who came to the tomb that morning not to be afraid, but to share with his disciples that he was alive. We have the same direction from Jesus, to share with those around us that he is alive and wants to be their God, just as he is our God.

No matter where we are in the world, no matter our style of worship, we who have given our lives to Jesus share the same hope and joy and mission.

Matthew 28:5-7: “The angel said to the women, ‘Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: “He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.” Now I have told you.’”

He Touched Even Me

Jesus touched a man with leprosy.

Matthew 8:1-3: “Large crowds followed Jesus as he came down the mountainside. Suddenly, a man with leprosy approached him and knelt before him. ‘Lord,’ the man said, ‘if you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean.’ Jesus reached out and touched him. ‘I am willing,’ he said. ‘Be healed!’ And instantly the leprosy disappeared.”

This passage has always touched me. No one touched the lepers. They had to stay away from everyone else and constantly call out “Unclean”. But Jesus touched him.

I grew up going to church every Sunday and made the decision to become a Christian when I was seventeen. In college, I became involved with a campus ministry. They offered worship services, large and small group Bible studies, and classes on serious Christian topics—women’s issues, Old Testament prophecy, and more. They offered the opportunity to learn to do ministries—visits to hospitals, nursing homes, prison, others.

I knew I was getting a good Christian education. I developed a strong knowledge of and commitment to the Bible. Most of my social time was spent with other students involved with this ministry. I wrote about the Bible for my classes, and I witnessed to people. I was charged.

I was proud.

It took growing up, venturing more out into the world, a few bumps, temptations, some growing stress, and a lot of mistakes for me to finally realize I was really a sinner. I was unclean.

I’m not going to describe to you all of my sins. It doesn’t matter. I just finally realized I wasn’t God’s gift to Missouri.

I needed God’s grace.

I hit bottom, more than once, before I could come up. I have suffered from depression since I was very young. God has given me great healing in this area, but I experienced times when I was buried in it, as crushing as if I was in quicksand.

I have gone through times when I let Satan convince me that I had never been saved. Other times, he made me sure that even if I had been saved, I had gone too far away to be able to come back to God. Satan told me I had committed sins that God could never forgive.

I now believe that God has spent many hours crying over my lack of understanding about how much He loves me.

I wish I could say that I went through an earth-shaking, immediate, miraculous recovery.

God has shown me more miracles than I can count, but I didn’t let the change happen all at once. He used my family, many other people, His word, a torrent of tears, and multiple years to bring me to a strong belief that He does still love me.

When I open my ears, and listen to God speak to me throughout His word, He shows me so many people in the Bible whom He touched. They were in trouble for many reasons; all of them were sinners. But He found them, and He touched them. He touched even me.

Tenderly, God showed me His love for specific sinners in the Bible, including some who were already His children: David, the adulterer and murderer; Peter,, one of His closest friends, who denied Him; the woman at the well; the thief on the cross; the woman caught in adultery; Paul, persecuting the church.

The Lord gave them the privilege of helping him and his children. He called David a man after his own heart, Acts 13:22. The woman at the well brought many out to meet Jesus, John 4:28-30. He asked Peter to feed his sheep, John 21:15-17. He sent Paul to rescue the gentiles, Acts 9:15.

When I was young, I believed I could draw people to God by my knowledge and fervor. Now that I am older and weathered, I pray that I can be kind to others who share similar sins and struggles as mine.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4: “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

I have often felt so unclean by sin that I don’t see how anyone can bear to touch me, especially God. In 1 Timothy 1:15 Paul says that he is the chief of all sinners. I have often said that I am his closest deputy.

But the Bible says that God forgives me. He accepts me as his child. He loves me. Psalm 103.

And when I still worry if God can accept me, he reminds me that his love and forgiveness continue.

Lamentations 3:21-23: “Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.”

Benjamin and Time Travel

I wrote this story about my son Benjamin in March, 2013.

Hey, here’s a time travel program, Benjamin thinks as he scrolls around the internet. I wonder if it works.

Oops, I didn’t mean to hit enter there.

Benjamin feels himself being pulled backward, off his chair, out of the dining room, fast, fast, down some strange hallway.

Now he’s outside and whoa! He’s riding a horse, and the horse is galloping. “Whoa, horsie, sloooooow down!”

But the horse doesn’t slowdown—it gets faster.

Benjamin has only ridden horses at camp, and always pretty slowly. He grabs onto the mane and prays he won’t slip off.

Oh, no, he is falling off—no, he’s being pulled backward down the hallway again.

He stops in a busy sounding room. People are laughing and calling out to him, “Yay, Benjie! Yay!” And he’s laughing like a little kid. What’s going on here?

Oh, he’s at the St. Baldrick’s Day place downtown when he’s just six, getting his head shaved. This time travel thing keeps switching him. Where next?

Now he finds himself in a dentist chair. He’s four or five, and he’s getting one of his many cavities filled. Well, he wouldn’t mind being taken out of this one.

And out he goes, fast, fast, down another hallway.

Next, Benjamin finds himself sitting on the ground with a young Einstein, who is working on the “E equals MC squared” problem. Benjamin has to explain this very slowly and patiently before Einstein finally gets it.

Oooooohhh.

Benjamin finds himself lying in a trench in France during World War I. Many shots are going on around him, and for whatever reason, Benjamin has his head raised out of the trench. He quickly lowers it snugly into the dirt and prays he’ll be able to get out of this one fast too.

But he’s not sure this next place is what he would have hoped for.

He’s on a horse again, on a very bumpy road. Other riders are coming up quickly behind him.

“He’s got it! Hurry up, catch him!”

They sound like rough English accents from maybe the 1700’s. If he had to guess, he would think they are robbers, and they seem to think he has whatever they want.

“No! No! I don’t have it,” Benjamin yells.

“He’s Lyin’. Hurry up. Get him!”

This time, Benjamin wants the horse to go fast. He leans forward, grips the mane in terror, and yells, “Faster, horsie! Faster!”

Ooooohhhhh. He’s being pulled backwards again…

Bang. He ends up on the floor in his own dining room. Ping-Hwei sits in the chair beside him.

“Ping-Hwei, Hurry, unplug my computer,” he gasps.

Benjamin lies on the floor, trying to get his breath back under control. I hope I’ll have the chance to work on that time travel program before using it again.